Beyond Cow Corner

. . . because why should those who actually play sport have all the fun of talking about it?

21 April 2011

A Tale of Two Rockets

Firstly, a declaration: I like snooker. I’ve never really been sure why I’m such a fan of a prissy and antiquated pseudo-sport on which heavy traces of the Edwardian drawing room lie heavy. Is it a mathematical attraction to patterns and angles? Perhaps. One reason may be that certain players throw up all sorts of mixed emotions that I don’t experience in watching other sportspeople.

Take Ronnie O’Sullivan, for instance. I have such mixed feelings that I feel the need to write paired pieces, both of which express an aspect of my thinking on the matter, and neither of which is the whole truth, in and of itself.


Why I Don't Like Ronnie O'Sullivan

When sports stars like the incredibly talented Marcus Trescothick and the surprisingly effective Michael Yardy have to truncate their international careers or limit their international opportunities as a result of widely publicised mental health problems, it does absolutely no good to have someone like O'Sullivan 'threatening' to retire from the game at every hint of things not quite going his way: the viewing public, quite rightly, see such ‘threats’ as so much hot air, which in turn diminishes the amount of sympathy for sportsmen and women with genuine health problems.

Mark Williams, O'Sullivan's fellow professional, perhaps had it right when he offered a rather biting comment on the other's vacillating attitude towards the game:

If he wants to pull out or retire, then just do it, because he's talked about it so many times... Just do it if you want to.

Sadly, this is how hearing some of O'Sullivan's comments on his commitment to snooker makes me feel -- a real pity, given that he is such an undeniably great sporting talent.


Why I Would Rather Watch O'Sullivan Than Any Other Snooker Player

The reason I would rather watch O'Sullivan play than any other is quite simple. It's not that he is great, although he is; it's not that he keeps the game flowing in a pleasing way, although he does; it's that at his best, he plays the game with the sort of carefree abandon with which Chris Gayle hits a 70-ball Test Match century, Chris Ashton carves open opposition back lines, or Lionel Messi leaves defences looking very stupid.

It doesn’t matter that Stephen Hendry, in terms of sheer numbers of titles won, will probably always be ‘a better player’ than O’Sullivan: it’s a case of Iniesta vs Scholes, or Lara vs Dravid; as undoubtedly great as the alternatives may be, you’d always rather see the one who plays the sport (or game, or hobby, or life) with style.


It is possibly this very Janus-like ability to encompass such conflicting opinions that makes me love sport. (Yes, all sport -- including snooker...) It is why Ronnie O’Sullivan has me purring in awe and shouting abuse at the television, almost in equal measure -- with behaviour like that, it’s probably a good thing I’m not at Sheffield this week.

16 April 2011

Turning Points

From what I remember of sporting events in the mid-'90s, they were all pretty poor. Perhaps my judgement was clouded by the usual teenage angst, but I just don't feel there was anything to compare with the drama of, say, the great Lewis vs Powell World Championships in 1991 or, eleven years on, Brazil's 'pentacampeão' romp to the football world title.

Baggio's penalty miss in '94 was fairly dramatic, but it did come at the end of a mind-bogglingly dull 120-minute slog through the Pasadena heat. Gazza's goal at Euro '96 was sublime, and England beating the Netherlands 4-1 was special, but the rest of that tournament -- at least from the point of view of a 12-year-old England fan -- was forgettable enough.

One sporting occasion that does stand out from this rather fallow period, however, is the '95 Rugby World Cup. The political significance of this -- the recent emergence from apartheid, South Africa returning to the international sporting fold, Nelsen Mandela and Francois Pienaar -- has been covered in the recent film Invictus; suffice to say, then, this was an event the ramifications of which went far beyond the white lines.

Positioned halfway through the decade, and at the beginning of a new chapter in both international political and sporting relations with South Africa, this was a whole tournament of turning points.

This is not what I want to write about, however -- Matt Damon & co. have already covered all that. My turning point -- for English rugby, which spiralled into an 8-period of underachievement known as the 'we were waiting for JW's left foot' years; for international rugby itself; for a 6'5", 20 stone 20 year-old, who could have quite easily based a career on this one match, had he achieved nothing else -- came in the semi-final between England and New Zealand.

As I remember it, it was the first kick-off of the match; internet records inform me my memory is playing tricks.

Before I go any further, though, I should provide a little background for those of you unfamiliar with the niceties of the rugby union restart, or those of you who started watching the sport later, when what happened would have been nothing out of the ordinary.

When a game is (re-)started in full-XV rugby union (not Sevens, but that's another thing entirely), the fly half (or first five-eighth) kicks the ball diagonally forwards, the idea being to return it to the opposition team, but also to hang the ball up in the air long enough to give members of your team the time to run and put pressure on the catcher.

Rugby union was, for years, a rather genteel sport. When, in the late nineteenth century, a group of players at northern clubs thought to make polite enquiries as to the possibility of supplementing their meagre everyday incomes with money from the games they played in at the weekends, the southern clubs -- staffed in the main by rather-more-well-off types, who could afford to not receive remuneration for their rugby -- insisted that the Rugby Football Union was to remain amateur.

While Rugby League has been professional ever since -- and has indeed evolved almost into a separate sport -- Rugby Union spent much of the twentieth century an amateur endeavour. Which rather suited it.

Rugby Union is full of rules and regulations regarding 'set pieces' that essentially involve creating an elaborate ballet on the field of play. Where association football has one man throwing the ball in after it goes out of play, in union they involve up to 16 players in a cross between a morris dance, a synchronised swimming display, and a wrestling match. League have a perfunctory scrum that sees three players from each team linking arms, and waiting for the scrum-half to recycle the ball; in union the scrum has the sense of a ritual that must be performed in a certain way. When Gareth Edwards, say (like a Welsh Ben Youngs from the '70s, for younger readers), clipped the ball over the top and raced down the blindside, rather than passing it out across the field, you could hear The Guardians of the Game struggling to prevent their appreciation of his genius being tainted by a strong 'that's just not cricket' disapproval.

The hanging kick at the re-start is one of these performances -- 'things which must be done in a certain way before we can start playing the game'. The fly-half's kick is directed towards the opposition's heavier, slower forwards, who are in turn faced by the kicking team's forwards. The opposing catcher would either collect the ball and take it into contact or pass it straight to his own backs, or he would spill it (either under pressure or not). The game didn't really get going, in other words, until this 'kick to the forwards' had been got out of the way.

What, though, if this wasn't something that had to be done? Why not start playing the game much earlier?

20 minutes into the first half, Andrew Mehrtens -- the Kiwi #10 -- stepped up to take the re-start after a Rob Andrew penalty. The England forwards were lined up to the right of the right-footed Mehrtens, facing their All Black counterparts, and braced to receive the ball.

Mehrtens kicked left.

This had two repercussions: the England backs were completely unprepared for this, and so the advancing All Black backs reached the ball before they did; and the player who caught the ball -- the 20-year-old left winger making only his 5th appearance for the team -- had the bulk to brush aside the confused England defenders while they were still trying to work out which sport they were meant to be playing.

This wasn't what was meant to happen! They'd cheated!! By being fast, and quick-thinking, and powerful, and....generally better than England.

1995 is the year that Rugby Union turned professional, and I like to connect this with that moment, in which Jonah Lomu walked over poor little (as he looked) Tony Underwood. Gone was a time in which re-starts went in an expected direction, and wingers were the weedy members of the XV: in came the professional era, and daily training, and nutrition programmes, and back lines with an average weight north of 15 stone.

Perhaps my memory of the event is significant in its faultiness: it felt like the beginning of the match; New Zealand's dominance throughout deserved a first-minute try. It was a defining moment. English rugby was not going to be the same again; Tony Underwood certainly wasn't.

What's your sporting turning point? Leave a comment below, and we can continue the nostalgia-fest.

9 April 2011

The Numbers Game

I've been a bit lax updating the blog of late (an excuse that seems to get trotted out by about one in every three online writers, so apologies for the tedium), but I've been meaning for a while to write something on a subject close to my....well, not heart -- more head. It combines two of my favourite things -- sport and numbers -- although not in a particularly traditional way.

It's a question that gets asked on such a regular basis that it's become almost a non-question -- a topic that serves only to service a nation's journalists and commentators (oh the irony of spending yet more [virtual] column inches on this): why are the England football team perennial underachievers?

I have a possible answer, and it has nothing to do with Fabio Capello, the Lampard/Gerrard combination, striking partnerships, or the captaincy merry-go-round. (Though don't get me started on the many hideousnesses of John Terry...) It's the numbering of the England players' shirts.

(Stick with me.)

In club football in this country (this sample is taken for two reasons: it's what I know most about; and it's where the vast majority of the players in recent England squads ply their trade), players are assigned -- or choose -- a squad number. Wayne Rooney and Frank Lampard are #10 and #8, numbers corresponding to their positions, but the aforementioned racist thug (sorry, I'll keep quiet) is #26.

Often there are personal reasons for this. Although my gag reflex prevents me from spending any more time googling Terry, I believe the choice of #26 relates to his admiration of an ex-player with a similar number. This is also the reason for Cesc Fàbregas's #4 shirt, in honour of the great Spanish midfield maestro -- and, incidentally, management wunderkind -- Pep Guardiola. And the story of David Beckham's various shirt numbers -- #7 at Manchester United, after Best/Cantona; #23 in more recent years, in honour of Michael Jordan -- is practically a feature-film narrative in its own right.

But whatever the reasons, each individual player has his own number. He has a shirt he can call his own -- the shirt, quite literally, has his name on it.

Not so when he plays for England, however: the 11 starting players, on the day, are allocated the numbers 1 to 11. This gives rise to the following extremes:
  • if a player has a less-than-regular role in the team he can never be sure of his shirt number
  • a bit-part player feels immediately like a first-choice player
Not such a bad thing, you might think: why should a regular starting number matter to a player? And surely an instant feeling of belonging is good for morale?

Well, not entirely.

To suggest that the number of his shirt doesn't matter to a footballer, at least at some level of the unconscious mind, is to deny his humanity. (No jokes about Wayne Rooney and potatoes.) Human beings, at the most basic level, need to feel wanted; they need to feel they have a role; having an assigned shirt number taps into this essential need.

And while a one-off international -- I have a feeling that, after his comments about Gareth Barry, Joey Barton is likely to remain in this category -- may benefit in the short term from the instant feeling of being a part of the team, what does this mean for the recent occupant of the same shirt? How, for instance, does Frank Lampard feel about seeing 'WILSHERE' on the back of the white #8?

There are other problems. Club football is the 'day job' of the players; when they step up to international level, surely the system should do everything possible to ensure they're able to play in the same way? Instead, each match is a one-off -- a busman's holiday, granted, but still a holiday.

To take simply the most obvious example, Lampard and Gerrard, who have driven their respective clubs' midfield engine rooms for the best part of a decade, wear the same number: the attacking-midfielder-with-a-licence-to-roam-from-box-to-box's #8. What happens when they're made to play in the same team? Who -- both metaphorically, and literally -- is the team's #8? The age-old 'why can't L&G play together?' debate may have more to do with Gerrard's mental struggle to accommodate seeing another #8 on the pitch than one might think.

This is all speculative, but there may just be something in it: numbers matter. (If you remain in any doubt, count the number of #7s on display for Manchester United in this testimonial.) I reckon Fabio Capello could do worse than break out the squad numbers from now on -- maybe Darren Bent could start to replicate his consistently awesome club form of recent years if he were allowed to wear 'BENT 39' for his country...